I'm not a huge New Year's Resolution person, but the new year is always time to reflect on what was good/bad about the previous year and think about changes to make for the upcoming year. I'm not all that sad to see 2011 go. I think I derailed the last half of the year and didn't make the best choices. I was very guilty of letting my circumstances dictate my attitude. There were too many times I was impatient, grumpy, irritable, quick to see faults, judgemental, and just plain negative. I'm looking forward to 2012 being a time of moving forward. I'm ready to move past pregnancy and settle into a routine with our family of five. I'm ready to pursue deeper spiritual growth. I think the last few months have been stagnant for me, in some ways. I'm ready to implement the changes Tom and I have talked about, but haven't started yet. So much is on hold waiting for a little bundle to arrive.
2011 was a good year, but a tough year. Pregnancy has been hard. I'm incredibly thankful that I'm able to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, but it doesn't change the fact that it's physically challenging. I've deepened existing friendships and made new ones. I also lost a friendship that I cherished. I've been on a roller coaster learning how to parent Walker. I feel like we have a new family member in him lately because we're all starting to figure out what works for him. Tom and I started leading a small group and that has been a blessing to us, though very tough at times. All in all, a very good year.
One thing I'm working on having realistic expectations for this life stage. I think that's been part of my frustration is expecting things that just aren't going to happen. Something as routine as fixing lunch can become complicated with little ones and that's just part of it. I have plans in my head for the way things should go and I'm working on tossing those out the window and going with whatever happens. One PERFECT example of this is pictures we had taken awhile ago. They turned out great. But in my head, I had an idea that I wanted everyone smiling, looking generally at the camera. Something like this....
What we got was this:
I'll post more at the end of this because we got some really cute ones. But my point is, I was bummed for awhile because I was holding onto this silly idea. But I'm getting there. This pic is framed in our house because it makes me smile. This is TOTALLY what life is like. And I want to remember it and appreciate for what it is rather than what it can't be. That is my anthem. I think the Lord has really been teaching me this in preparation for baby #3. There have been such trying times lately but I think it's just been refining me to adjust my expectations and let go. It's been painful to learn this lesson but hopefully I learned it well.
So my hope for 2012 is that my expectations are realistic. That I walk more in the Spirit each day, because that is clearly the only way I'll ever be the wife and mother I want to be. That just ties in with deeper spiritual growth. Our small group is starting a study that I'm excited about and I love that this is something Tom and I can do together. So, bring it, 2012!
Here are some of my faves from the pics we had taken. There were lots to choose from. And we climbed alllll over this train for close to an hour. We had looked for a sign saying to stay off of it but there wasn't one. Right after this pic was taken a security guard chased us off. So this is Team Goolsby, breaking the LAW.
This one is getting enlarged and going in Walker's new room. It's perfect with his train obsession.
My mom calls him "America's Next Top Model."
He looks like he's plotting something here....
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.