Friday, March 11, 2016

Domestic violence is closer than you think.

I lost a dear friend yesterday to domestic violence. 

Her husband of roughly one year shot her and then himself. 

It is absolutely unimaginable.

 The only reason I would ever write about this is because she served others in all hours of her day and if she could serve in this way she would want to. 

My friend was an accomplished physician. She was an anesthiologist that was very well respected.  But that's not really how I knew her. I knew her as a mom and a friend. And she was amazing at both. She loved with her whole being. 

She wanted what everyone wants, a functioning, healthy, happy home. She wanted the best things for her family.

What presented itself as the best thing turned out to be evil and that's so hard to see when you're so close. So she didn't see until it was too late. And as friends, maybe anything we said wouldn't have mattered. But maybe it would. 

 I saw things and I told myself it wasn't my business. I had nothing concrete to point to so I let it go. 

Would it have mattered? Would it have made her act sooner, or in some other way? Would it just have pushed her away and isolated her even more?

I don't know. But I do know if I ever see something triggering alarms in a friendship, I will not let it pass.
The situation is so horrific I never could have imagined it actually happening. We live in a broken world and sometimes monsters are real. 

In Casey's honor, please be the friend that asks the hard questions when things seem off.  Hug your families so tightly and love your people well. She did both beautifully and the world is darker without her bright light in it.


  1. I know you don't know me, but I knew Casey. . What you have said was beautiful, true, and tragic. . You are right, it is up to us as friends to ask the difficult questions. She had the best hugs.. My sister calls them truth lassos;the truth is she loved (and hugged) with her whole body and heart.

  2. Reading about the tragic ending of your friend's life just broke my heart. Despite your horrific loss I think you raise some positive points throughout your blog though. I respect how you sought out a counselor and explored how to handle the "red flags" that can pop up in our lives but are difficult to verbally acknowledge.

    Kim Hunter @ KHunter Law